I want to make a zoo with you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
