PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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