I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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