I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
