it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
