Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
third nipple confirmed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
