Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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