just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Houston, we have a blender
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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