i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
