"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
