Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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