I CAN MOONWALK!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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