Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
