I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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