it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Houston, we have a squirter
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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