You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
