god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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