so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
