Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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