I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize