my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
