return my video game
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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