dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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