I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
