Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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