No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
