Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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