in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
