did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
