All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
