i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
