weddingsv make me drug and hornr
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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