Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
