So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
