what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
