I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
