I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
