And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
