this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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