guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
