I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bring me that man meat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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