Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
