Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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