she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
