My brain says no but my pants say off.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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