I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
