I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
