So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
