Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
