Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
