So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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