he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
