The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't notice because vodka
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
