Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
