Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
