he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
