6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
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the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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