Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
