I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize