angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
