dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
