I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just high enough for therapy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
