i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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