My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
