well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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