Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can I color on your dick again?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
