Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
