I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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