love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
