Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
