I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
