I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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