I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
