I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
