Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
