I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
