does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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