That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
